Sheffield, 28th Sept

In Which: Our Hero Sets Off On The Second Cross Country Expedition To Find Potential Bar Venues...

9.57
Catch train. Surprisingly no changes needed. Am on one of the two existing train lines out of Norwich.

13.05
Arrive at station. Am propositioned by young man with haggard face in a tracksuit. I cannot understand a word he says, but I know he means me harm. Place is teeming with students. Not real ones though, it is only Sheffield Hallum next to the station.

13.10
Have found directions to Premier Inn. Start walking to hotel. It is of course very grey here, but somehow still incredibly warm.

13.20
Wrong Premier inn.

14.00
Found correct Premier Inn. Definitely the worse of the two. Despite having to check in myself on digital machine, there are at least twenty members of staff hanging around. They all make the assumption that I am gay. I don’t feel I need to correct them, considering how outnumbered I am.

14.20
Finally get into room, and sit down for a celebratory poo.

14.25
There is no sink.

14.26
Found sink next to cupboard in main room. There is no soap.

14.30
There is no electricity.

14.35
Fuck this, am going out.

17.50
Have walked round Sheffield all afternoon rather unsuccessfully. Have not found any appropriate buildings, nor have I found anywhere that sells laptop bags (bought one just before coming away only to discover it is two inches too small for bloody laptop). Finally find a starbucks where there is internet.

17.55
You have to have a card to use the internet. Starbucks closes at 18.00

18.00
Down coffee and get thrown out on arse.

19.00
Walking around unable to decide whether to go for a pint and find some internet or go back to the hotel for coat. Meeting Hana at half seven so decide on pint option.

19.30
Dinner with Hana and friends. Decamp to Bear and Bungalows, good bar in an old fire station who put on free gigs, I inadvertently watch Sky Larkin. Alright.

22.00
Meet Mark (fellow explorer) and go to the Bowry – club set up by ex-member of Arctic Monkeys. From what I can see this man has made two terrible decisions in his life, and one excellent one. The terrible decisions are obviously 1) joining the Arctic Monkeys, and 2) opening a bar. The excellent choice was leaving the Arctic Monkeys. Presumably another excellent choice will follow in a few months time when people get bored of the free potato smileys provided at the bar and bored of throwing them up seconds after eating, purely because of the disorientating and lurid multicoloured walls.

23.00
Go looking for other clubs, but can’t find anything - are they all in the back streets?