I assure you that I am only doing so on the advice of others. Before you leap to the conclusion that I may have misinterpreted my friends' and colleagues' joking (as I have done many times before - REF: bow-tie, nose job), I actually went to the length of conducting a feasibility study for my labial hirsutery.
I herewith publish the results of the following opinion poll, conducted on Facebook.
Is me growing a massive handlebar moustache...
a) The worst idea I've ever had.
b) What you've been waiting for the whole time you've known me.
c) I don't care what you do with your facial hair, you look like a prick either way.
a - 22%
b - 61%
c - 17%
I think even the most stringent statistician would have to agree that the whole concept is overwhelmingly popular.
I should also like to back up my decision with reference to the following appendix of useful imagery which supports the idea of handlebar moustaches as A GOOD THING. It also shows exactly the style of handlebar I am aiming to attain.
Frankly, in all honesty, to tell the complete truth, I think the only reason I am growing one is that I have lately noticed a lot of Shoreditch pricks sporting tiny hipster moustaches and I want to outdo them.
APPENDIX A - GOOD HANDLEBAR MOUSTACHES
When I am fully grown, I will have a place to go.
I included this image because it not only proves the indispensability of the handle-bar in modern culture, but it is also the most remarkably crap example of world cup commercial bandwagon pun-jumping.
This cheery cyclops is an American chap responsible for beer.
